Over the years I have been on many trips and seen many different attractions, including Uncle Phil’s special shed. So when I learnt that there was a place that I can share my thoughts about the things my eyes have seen, I thought sign me up, and then found out that I had to sign myself up on the website called Tripadvisor. This is where my story began.
Please enjoy some of the things that I have seen and sometimes even heard. Life is an experience, so if you don’t experience anything then you are not alive.
“This place has been closed for over a year first for a funeral and then for cleaning and still has adverts and information of hiring staff . Will it ever open – who can say ? But it is fun to check out with each weekly visit to Tower Park, I kinda hope it never reopens and becomes a tourist attraction. The never opening buffet. I asked the local detective spying Phil, and he knew nothing. I asked why don’t you know …he didn’t reply.”
“Every day” –
“I went on a Thursday and it was ok, but I don’t think that it felt like a Friday as when I went to the cinema it didn’t have any new films, like it normally would do on a Friday. This was not a Friday feeling. So I think next time I visit I shall go on a Saturday and hope it will feel one more like a Friday. I personally prefer Saturdays anyway, as you can stay in bed longer and watch ‘You’ve Been Framed’ whilst eating curly fries.. maybe TGI Friday’s can change their name to TGI Saturdays and show ‘You’ve Been Framed’ reruns. That would be a treat.”
“They have ducks” –
“Yes they do have ducks and other birds. Legend has it that they have peacocks there …. but I have not met anyone who has spotted one of the colourful birds yet. I did once see Art Brut lead singer Eddie Argos (not his real name, his real name is Fred Woolworths). He did not wave back. There are many post-wedding activities here, so it is sometimes best to go on a wet cold day so that it is less busy and noisy. Sometimes the lake smells of guff.”
“Ahoy Koi!” –
“Now I am embarrassed to say that I have no idea what ahoy actually means, but it rhymes with Koi and has an aquatic connotation. They sell some pretty fly food and most people are quite rich so they smell nice and look better than you and I. I didn’t tip as I didn’t think they needed the cash.”
The owner replied – Jenny L, Guest Relations Manager at Koh Noi Lilliput, responded to this review,16 November 2015
“Hi Frank J,
Whilst ‘Ahoy’ definitely does rhyme with ‘Koi’ we are actually called ‘Koh Noi’ which translates as little island … however we like your idea of the merged name!
We’re pleased to hear you enjoyed your experience with us and thank you for your compliments on our staff’s attire (and scents), we think they dress pretty fly too!
A 10% service charge is automatically added to every bill however this is 100% at customers discretion so if you choose not to pay it this is absolutely fine.
Hopefully, we’ll see you again soon!
The Koh Noi Team.”
“This is the best ’12 Years A Slave’ themed pubs/restaurants in the area. They have excellent imagery of the plantation trade from hundreds of years a go. A questionable choice as a theme. The bathrooms have fabulous soup and hand creme, sometimes I just don’t know which to use. So I just use both at the same time.. Be aware if you are having a big poo the automatic lights may go off, leaving you in the dark.
They have a lovely ambience and friendly posh staff in nice aprons. If you use the outdoor tee – pee area they are heated and you can have your drinks bought out to you and then they don’t even ask you for money? They just assume you will walk in and pay after! They be crazy.”
“If you like water then come down to Splashdown. It is like a park you to play frisbee, but instead of grass and doggy-poo, it has water. You have some slides called ‘fumes’ and you queue and then slide down and it lasts a few seconds of fun. Be careful you can bump your head and get friction burns, so wear a condom.”
“Safety First” –
“Yes the Lighthouse has put on many shows and entertains a lot of people around the East Dorset region. But just how many lives has it saved? Since it has turned it’s back on helping ships see the coastline with it’s warnings, how many seaman have been endangered .. how many lives do we have to lose just for the sake of entertainment?”
“There are no dolphins or porpoises in this sham of an aquarium. Over the road there is a lighthouse that doesn’t do as advertised and this place has no fish – just shops. Shame. Stop the lies Poole. Stop.”
“They do the food that makes me go yes inside my mouth.. they also have TV with the sport that makes me say goalll !”
“At the cross roads on route to Monkey World there is an option to goto the Tank Museum or Monkey World. If you are crazy and choose tanks, you will find many, many tanks and a WW2 bunker. Lovely stuff? They have old people in their on a table painting model tanks. I just don’t know why.”
Occasionally when killing time at work, I enjoy throwing some of my thoughts at the many places the internet allows us to review these days. They allow you to write pretty much anything you want, as long as you don’t curse or slander. As soon as you write a review, they then email you with some other similar places that you should check out. When you review them, they then give you a badge like an adventurer or historian, etc. There are also random levels of achievement ( I am currently a proud level six reviewer) though all of these are worth diddly-squat. Occasionally they email to say that someone has found my review helpful and also let you know how popular are ( I’m in the top 10% of the UK!).
So the next time you book a holiday due to the rating on Tripadvisor, think about the pricks who are writing these reviews, as they do print anything.